i won't worry my life away

confronting thoughts and embarking on different adventures, one moment at a time

After (not that) Much Consideration, I Have No Clue What’s in Store for New Year’s Eve :/

Okay, so in less than 22 hours, the year would be New. Yes, it’s gonna be 2012! And no, I still (or must I say, we?) haven’t figured out how to celebrate the “welcoming” of the New Year.

Jeeezzz… why is it a bit harder this year? Well, it actually isn’t hard at all, am not stressing about it. Yesterday, I was even thinking of just staying home and just sleep or something. Not that I am a buzzkill, it’s just that for the past few days, no… weeks, I’ve just be pretty tired… Tired to the point that once I get home, I just clean myself up and think for a bit then sleep. So this long weekend, just staying in is one of my options.

Another easy solution to actually have an option would’ve been to just go to my relatives and celebrate it with them, the same thing I did for the past two years. Easy choice but I sort of brushed it off. Why? Because since I’d spent my Christmas Eve with my good friends (which we sort of planned atleast a week ahead), I kind of counted on celebrating it with them. But until now–no plans too!

My good friend, Jill, was actually planning to watch her favorite band Coldplay to play on New Year’s eve. Earlier, I found it a bit ridiculous and somehow sad to watch a concert on NYE… But now that I think about it, having that plan than no plan is atleast a plan! And just a few minutes ago, I decided to check if there were still tickets. Apparently, NONE. It’s not meant to be. So my first option seems to be the winner. Bummer.

Now the thing is, compared to the Philippines, it seems like the way UAE celebrates the new year is a bit tame. No pun intended. I meant, in the Philippines, the people are very ummm enthusiastic, thus, this kind of celebration is really very very festive. You’d see a lot of household having their own fireworks and firecrackers, the noisier and brighter it is, the better! Much more that there’s a Chinese influence in us (not just Chinese in the Philippines, but the influence in beliefs/feng shui too). Apart from that, different TV stations set up street party celebrations in different areas of the city, closing all traffic in that area for the people to celebrate. Street Party: free of charge, with a lot of local artists and celebrities performing for all to see–like a free concert! And yes, it is televised nationwide. Hotels too have their own party and you get to celebrate it with other tourists hanging out.

I suppose here, it’s almost the same with the exception of the abundance of fireworks in the sky (imagine almost every household setting up their own New Year firecrackers!) and street parties (oh wait, there was one last year at the Burj Khalifa, but I think it was just an extravagant fountain and fireworks display). And the parties here aren’t free (I’m referring to Sandance coz it’s the only party I know of, with the exception of Hotel parties and Bar/Resto parties which duh! you actually have to pay for too!).

2 years ago, I moved here in the UAE. Most of my relatives are in Sharjah–another emirate in the UAE (which is by far a lot more conservative compared to Dubai). Ever since I moved here, I celebrated this holiday with them and yes, it was a big party (including all my extended family and their friends’ families too), and yes again, the only New Year tradition props missing is the fireworks. Also, I felt like their house was the only one partying in the area.

It has been 3 years since I’ve seen an amazing New Year fireworks… or that very festive New Year vibe! 3 friggin years (the last time was actually in 2008!). Since I don’t intend to go to Sharjah to celebrate the New Year, then atleast I want to see some fireworks and really feel the vibe. I think I could do that. But, I just don’t wanna see it in the sky… I actually wanna feel the festivity, the noise, the eeky smell of the smoke the fireworks/crackers produce, even the noise of the trumpet!

Now that I think about it, staying home would make me feel miserable and I don’t wanna do that anymore. So, how do I maximize my resources then?

What about you, how are you going to celebrate your New Year’s eve?

Happy New Year everyone! 🙂

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2011, A Reflection of the Year that was… of Depression and of Contentment

As I try to recall the year that was–that is, 2011, it seems like a lot of things had happened, both small and big. Thinking about it now, I couldn’t be more grateful enough. I am so blessed and now, I am in a place of contentment.

The start of my 2011 was a bit slow. I somehow agree to what I’ve read in my horoscope, that things would start its pace by the latter part of the year and I just had to be patient. True enough, it did.

For the 1st half of my year, I became really busy and my focus was more on my responsibilities outside my current world. To expound further, I was very much distracted from work with my “day-dream job”. Oh, it’s still not specific, isn’t it? To put it out straight, being an expat here in Dubai, I am physically present at work and outside work, but my focus was more in fulfilling the responsibilities of our non-profit/fan group in the Philippines (Incubus Street Team Philippines). I work here in Dubai as an engineer, but during those times, I just resent my job! I mean, not a day has passed by without me saying “I hate this job, if it weren’t only for the money.” Now, as for the “day-dream job”, though I wasn’t in the Philippines, I could say that I was the point person of the street team–like a project manager (?). My very-much-hidden obsessive-compulsive character just went out. Always sending emails, making calls, searching for sponsors/contacts, and arranging for different things. It may be easy to read: Tree Planting Activity (much credits to Onang), Shirt Projects (much credits to Anna), getting the team in place, and the big one: Pre-Concert/Post Album Launch Fund Raising GIG Party, plus a lot more! But it was a lot of work. And yes, it was “work” for us–only we weren’t earning anything (not that any of us mind). Labor of love. What started as me/us being a fan of Incubus led us to do activities that isn’t about us being “just us” anymore. It was really very rewarding.

Time flew by without us realizing it. It was fun and sweet and tiring all at the same time. Somewhere in between months during this period, I flew in and out of the country back home, wherein my focus was more of our group’s activities. In a total of being home for 4 weeks (i flew back to Manila twice in a span of 2 months!!), I was mostly with the street team. I’ve met with my HS friends once, my extended family a few times, and mostly hung out with my family at home. Daytime, if I wasn’t on the PC, I was with the team’s meeting. It felt like an events job for me, but it was very rewarding. I felt really happy the moment we successfully did it. Just happy. Blissful. And yes, we got to meet the band Incubus in person. Cherry on top of the cake. YES.

But after all these, when I went back to Dubai, leaving everything and everyone behind… I felt depressed. I felt bad. I felt really lost. I hated my job even more–knowing that with the right team, we can successfully throw a successful event. That’s the career that I felt was really right for me. I hated it even more because I know that my current job pays well compared to the risk that I am still not willing to take. My everyday job felt even more boring, because I had to deal with the daily tasks. No more “street team” job to do. I was still pushing through, but no one was in pace anymore.

Next, I felt like everyday was the typical day and there’s really nothing to look forward to. “What’s the reason behind all these? Fine, I work to earn… Then what’s next? We’re all going to die anyway.” No, I never thought of killing myself. But I just wished to die really early… that if I die at that time, it’s okay since nothing was relevant anyway.

Much more, my family in the Philippines (excluding one of my sisters) was going to migrate to the US. I thought to myself, it would be a long shot for us to be altogether again… Like, when will we celebrate my birthday with all of us in one place? What about their birthdays? And the Christmas holidays? I felt really guilty for not being able to spend time with them when I was on vacation… for prioritizing the “fan” in me, the street team member rather than allotting time to spend with my family. I remember, before I left home, I hugged my mom and cried, telling her: “I don’t wanna leave anymore. I don’t wanna go back there.” But still I left. I had to. That’s life.

Days went by and I was living it like as if I was already dead. I was waiting for time to really fly by really fast… For it to fast forward. I was doing things at a routine just for the sake of being occupied… The whole time that I was depressed, I preferred to just stay home, watch movies, clean up and do basic chores once in a while. I resent everyday and declined each invitation. I knew that I was lucky and should be grateful, but at that time, I just didn’t know the purpose of it all. I find it meaningless. I sort of closed my heart subconsciously, not knowing that it would make me empty. Until one day: I went out with friends.

I can’t remember how it all happened, but the depression sort of just went away. I was content of just living life, one day at a time. I enjoyed the food that I eat, couldn’t care less about spending, and was just okay. I enjoyed my friends’ company very much and I looked forward to spending more time with them. I sort of changed. I became more oriented with my tasks and responsibilities. I became more inspired of what life could offer, whether it be big or small.

I ate out on weekends with friends. Became excited of the Friday brunch, the afternoon walks, and the late night house drinking party. I just gave in to the feeling of being content.

Work, I didn’t mind at all. I worked and get annoyed from time to time, but I just let it go. I did not let it bother me the way it used to. I just say “fffff what the heck!” then move on in a snap.

When I discovered a soothing music, the one which made me light, floating, and happy (a huge shoutout to Jason Mraz’s music), I tuned in to it. It made me think and reflect even more… It made me realize to just live and not worry about tomorrow.

Last November, I traveled again and realized even more how lucky I am to be at a place where I am at right now. Not all people could have the opportunities that came along my way. I became more open and receptive of others. I allowed myself to let them come inside my heart… and for that, I allowed myself subconsciously to move out of that depression and to just live.

I’ve learned when to let things strike me, and what or who are allowed to hit me hard (figuratively). Simple term: I learned when to be affected and when to not care at all. It’s simple yet hard to explain, but I learned how to be more grateful and appreciative of what is in front of me right now, and how to brush off everything else.

Care? I still do, I think I care even more. Emotional? Yes, still a lot. Depressed? Not anymore, and I don’t intend to be.

I remember talking to Adrian, a guy I crossed paths with on my trip to Amsterdam, about him wanting to study Philosophy. He’s of the same age as mine, 27. He used to do the same job as I and he understands how my work somehow makes me grumpy (I told him that my job has attributed a LOT to my grumpy character at work). He told me that it’s why he decided to study again, coz that wasn’t for him… And he just finished his 2nd degree and now he’s traveling for a few months now… And he intends to study again: Philosophy. We talked about those things and a lot of other stuff to, then he said somewhere along that “if you think about it, we’re still lucky. Not all people could do what we’re doing right now.” And indeed, he is correct.

He somehow inspired me too, to move forward. Meeting him and meeting a lot of people along the way in my previous travels have inspired me in a lot of different aspects.

Reflecting on the year that was, 2011, is just very inspiring for me. It might sound simple and probably my depression sounds a bit lame for some, but experiencing that made me appreciate what I have right now in my life. I’m seeing things differently with a whole new perspective.

I wanna study again, and I am still unsure of what it is. I wanna travel freely knowing when to worry, and when not to. I wanna change careers and not worry about the stability of the wage that enters my pocket. I wanna live life and smile when I hear good music, even though it doesn’t relate to any of my previous experiences at all. I look forward to the day that I could spend with those I’ve left behind back home, my friends and of course, my family. I look forward to seeing myself in their pictures and just being there with them. I am excited to the things that are in store for me by the year of 2012.

I am looking forward to 2012, but I am not rushing to the time that I can get to do those things again. I have a not-so-vague idea when those things would happen, but for now, I’ll take one day at a time. Until I figure out what I am going to do tomorrow and accomplish it by end of day, then that’s the time I’ll think of what’s in store the day after.

As I leave 2011 and move forward to 2012 in 3 days, I’d like to share with you some of the lines that make my heart jump, my mind tingle, and my eyes and lips smile… These lines are such a mood setter and I believe has definitely helped me feel better with life.

“Live High, Live Mighty, Live Righteously, Taking it Easy…” — Jason Mraz with Live High

“I won’t worry my life away” — Jason Mraz with the Remedy

“I don’t wanna wake before the dream is over, I’m gonna make it mine… Yes I, I know it” — Jason Mraz with Make it Mine

May everyone have a prosperous, inspiring, and a Happy New Year! Appreciate yourself and be grateful, then you’ll be content.  Be content, and happiness will follow. Live, Be Content, and Love… Everything will fall into the right place the moment we allow ourselves to let them in our hearts.

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have you ever floated? i think i am floating

and i am content. does that mean i am happy? maybe i am. i feel light, free, and just content with the life i have right now. i couldn’t care less about what would happen tomorrow, and i don’t wanna even think about “thinking about it” at all. i know some things are bound to happen, but i don’t wanna think about it now.

i somehow feel like i am also in love… not to a person but to a lot of things–not the material ones. more of, the thoughts, ideas, the music, the vision, with life.

the world is so beautiful. life is beautiful. and yes, i am in love… i am floating. are you?

by the way, i am currently listening to jason mraz’s songs: the world as i see it, sleep all day, and sleeping to dream 🙂 oh yes ME floats even more. good music helps us to float higher.

x

ps. no bubble popping please 😛

it’s almost 1 am, so i think it’s fair to leave you guys with this song: Sleep All Day

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Taking a Quick Peek at Spain’s Capital, Madrid: A Sort of Photo Blog

Sometimes, it’s a bit tough to start writing even though we have a lot of things to share. I’ve been meaning to write about my recent travel adventure to Belgium, Luxembourg and Netherlands, but I honestly don’t know where to start.

So I thought, why not start from scratch– from back 2008? Well, I scratched that part for now coz I’m a bit lazy to dig my HDD for old photos (Blog+Photos are much more fun and interesting, isn’t it?).

As I browse through my Europe travel last year (2010), I stumbled upon these photos that I’ve patiently edited for a period of time. I eventually stopped editing coz I felt like it delayed the process of my sharing everything. [Yes, I went through everything wikitravel highlighted… but still managed to get off track and it was really tiring!!]

Image

Looking at it made me smile and realize how lovely the place (and how good my then camera is: Nikon D40x!).

I thought I’d share it anyway… Will update soon (and if by the any chance, I find tons of time, I’d probably make some more). 🙂

The SKY is soooo BLUE!! Yes, it’s Summer!!! ❤

Okay, so here’s my complete collection of edited pictures 🙂

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Still Single? Oh, You Too Believe in “Destiny”

A friend shared a blog post about reasons why a girl is still “single”… Reasons such as believing in high standards, being too desperate, etc etc… The last part was about “destiny”. Something which says that “each pot has its own cover.”

My name is katrina and i am single too. I am a bit guilty of the reasons written there… And i too believe in destiny.

Destiny… I think that whether you do something or not, destiny would still take its course. But do note, destiny makes its way in each of us once we allow ourselves to let other people in. If we keep our hearts closed, even if love finds its way to your direction and eventually finds you, it would be an epic fail.

Let destiny do its job and do yours as well…
So live and let live. Love and be loved… xx

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15 minute blog

A few weeks ago I bumped into a blog which is something like “Reasons to travel why you’re young” by Jeff Goins. Since I myself had joined the wagon even before coming across that, I must say that what he has written somehow shouts out what most of us thought the day we started to “just do it”.

I’ve browsed around Jeff’s blog site and found other interesting pieces. Since then, I’ve started following his tweets, so that just in case I find something that interests me, I’d get easily updated.

One of his tweets this past few days was about how to write a 15minute blog. I haven’t read it yet but I feel like doing it. For a person like myself who has some things to say and is unable to find a lot of time to share my thoughts in one seating (trust me, when I talk, one seating for a blog could take an hour or so), a 15minute piece from time to time could be a good way to keep track.

So here’s to the start of my future 15minute blogs (rather than delaying what I feel sharing and coming up with some lousy excuse!)…!! 🙂

Oh, Merry Christmas everyone!

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I Won’t Worry My Life Away

is one of the lines in Jason Mraz’s song the Remedy.

Again, here’s another feel good music and a light & freeing lyrics that I’d like to share with everyone… I honestly feel light, happy, and free just recalling this song, especially, that line. 🙂 I hope you guys do too!

Let’s try to live our lives with less worries. Life’s too short to worry!

“The tragedy is how you’re gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
Well it all amounts to nothing in the end”

“And I won’t worry my life away”

Rest when you need to, and stop worrying. Worrying won’t do you anything.

The Remedy (from http://www.lyrics007.com)

Well I saw fireworks from the freeway
And behind closed eyes I cannot make them go away
’cause you were born on the 4th of July (freedom ring)
Well something on the surface it stings
I said something on the surface
Well it kinda makes me nervous
To say that you deserve this
And what kind of God would serve this
We would cure this dirty old disease
Well, if you gots the poison
I gots the remedy

[Chorus]
The remedy is the experience
This is the dangerous liaison (I says)
The comedy is that it’s serious
This is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how you’re gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
Well it all amounts to nothing in the end

[Bridge]
And I won’t worry my life away
Hey hey hey, oh oh
I won’t worry my life away
Hey hey hey, oh oh

Well I heard 2 men talking on the radio
In a cross-fire kind of new reality show
Uncovering the ways to plan the next big attack
Well they were counting down the ways to stab a brother in the Be right back after this
The unavoidable kiss
With the minty fresh death breath is sure to outlast this catastrophe
Dance with me
Well if you gots the poison, I gots the remedy

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

When I fall in love, I take my time
There’s no need to hurry when I’m making up my mind
You can turn off the sun, but I’m still gonna shine
And I’ll tell you why
Because

[Chorus]

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How does envy affect you?

Envy destroys us. True. But if we look at an angle where we could learn how to deal with it, then it makes us stronger.

By nature, I am a bit competitive. When I want something, I learn my way how to get it. For the most part, I do, and it feels good. It makes me content, and sometimes, even happy. But when I see someone getting something that I “think” I also want, I sort of get envious. Mind you, I am very truly happy for that person, it’s just that, I wish I also have it for myself.

Sometimes, THAT makes me a bit sad, or worse, depressed (talk about self pity). Thoughts circle around my head. Sometimes. Well, I think my “before” self speak of that. So no, let me correct it–BEFORE. Now, I think I’m learning (well, I am trying better now) to just let go of the jealousy and move past it. How do I do that?

*Before, I use it as a “motivation” to do a LOT better. Somehow, I think it worked. But, regardless if it worked or not, it isn’t really a good way of dealing with it. It’s like “nurturing” jealousy (whether it proved to have a positive effect or not). It is not HEALTHY.

So, here’s what I’ve been trying to do to DEAL with it:

1. Either I try not to look/listen/know anything about it. Well, it’s a very immature way, I know. “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.”

or

2. Look/Listen/Know some things or anything about it, and just don’t think about it too much. I mean, don’t let it get to your head. Instead, think of how blessed you are. If you over think, you’re doomed. If it’s really tough, then pray for guidance.

I try any of the two options, but I sooo wanna practice the second one even more. I wanna be stronger and learn how to deal with this emotion. Life’s too short to be jealous, and our heart’s too small to allow jealousy accompany our appreciation of other’s accomplishment.

Learn to be content and be happy for others without any inhibition. The fact is, you already have enough dwelling of your own, why dwell on other people’s too, right? Envy is too much baggage already. Just live and let live.

I know how lucky I am. I know how blessed I am. And with all that, I am very grateful for.

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You’re good if you KNOW how to move forward

As I was chatting with a friend of mine, she quoted a statement in relation to how she has worked with her latest art project: “You’re only as good as your last work.” She just did what she had to do, gave the best that she could at the moment of need.

Yesterday, I had dinner with friends. Somewhere along the conversation, another statement came up: “No matter how consistently good you are in what you’re doing, sometimes, your mistakes define you in the eyes of other people.” “They always notice you for your mistake and not the good ones.”

As I review these statements, I think that yes, we’ll be remembered MORE for the LATEST things that we do–regardless if it is a good one or if it is a mistake. For as long as there’s a 2nd chance, a 3rd chance, a 4th chance, or a NEXT TIME, then we could always make a COME BACK, do a REBOUND, and leave with a GRACEFUL exit. Yes, there’s always room for mistakes, but that room could also be filled with improvements.

We are in control of our latest work, which doesn’t necessarily mean our last unless we wanted it to be. We could make that LATEST work a masterpiece or a disaster.

So, time to get up and do something, anything! It’s okay to look back and learn, but we should know when to do it and when not to. No dwelling, only moving forward.

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Feel Good with Music, Thanks to Jason Mraz!

Is there any particular music that you are listening to right now? No, let me be more specific. What album or song/s have been in your constant playlist for the past few hours, days, weeks, or even months?  Mine would be Jason Mraz’ album “We Eat, We Dance, We Steal Things.” And among all these songs, my favorites are “If It Kills Me” and “Make It Mine”. To be honest, I wasn’t even able to recall the album title. Sometimes, I feel like it’s “We Eat, We Pray, We Love” or something like “We Eat,…”. Yes, I get lost after the “eat” part. But I don’t think that really matters. I love the entire album, that’s what is important.

The album, for me, is a feel good album. Jason Mraz is such a good lyricist that for me, he was able to capture optimism, gratitude, love,  a bit of a sadness, and happiness. Whenever I listen to this album, it just makes me stop, think, smile, and feel comfortable. His songs has never failed to touch my soul. Some songs even give me butterflies in my stomach. The melody is just genius and it’s very pleasing to the ears. I can’t help but smile and feel love and optimism floating around while I’m thinking about his songs, the way I feel about them, much more that I’m currently listening to them. 🙂

I can’t help but compare how I feel with this album to the way I do with others. For some album of a different artist (that I shall call artist X) that I really like, I tend to get moody. I don’t know why, but I get bitchy sometimes with Artist X’s album. But everytime I listen to “We Eat, We Dance, We Steal Things”, my mood really changes, like as if I am a feather, like I am floating. 🙂

The songs that I really love are:

If It Kills Me – it’s about a man madly in love with his best friend. However, he can’t find a chance to tell her, too afraid of the risk he’s about to take if he tells her.

Make It Mine – it’s about pursuing a dream, celebrating the whole world, just grasping it all.

Other songs that I do recommend are I’m Yours, Live High, Lucky, and Love for a Child.

Try and listen to the whole album, or atleast to the songs I’ve mentioned, and let me know how you feel. I hope you feel good with it too! 🙂

Here’s a video of one of my favorites 😀  (not my property: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ync5Ak4qKs)

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