i won't worry my life away

confronting thoughts and embarking on different adventures, one moment at a time

Whatever tomorrow brings, it’s gonna be okay.

on April 5, 2012

I sincerely do apologize for wasting other people’s time because of my default tardiness. I’ve been like this here at work for as long as I could remember. Well possibly for atleast 28 months… and I can only remember a handful of “on-time” arrival, unfortunately.

I’ve been talked to about this for the nth time and each time, I apologize. I stopped making lame excuses because there really isn’t any excuse. I was just not motivated to get up and go. Sometimes, I wake up very early, then I procrastinate… and so I am late. I’m not proud to say, but I’ve been getting away from being late for atleast 30minutes (before)… then it became an hour. And for the past few days/weeks, it has gradually increased to 1.5-2hours. Shameful 😦

Everytime I go to work and our client/director visits the site (where I am stationed at), I arrive uber late. 😦 In each time that “he” catches my wrong doing, I say a little prayer before I enter the room and tell myself that “whatever it is (in case it’s “firing” day), just accept it. It’s your fault anyway, and it’s not like you can turn back the time and re-do everything.” If I survive that day, then “tomorrow’s another day to make up.” But until now, I haven’t.

I talked to my boss a while ago, regarding my leave. Then, my boss just talked to me that our client/director made an “official complaint” of my tardiness, and my bosses will talk about this next week. I think, there’s a huge possibility that I’m gonna get fired really soon… Either that, or I’d be reprimanded big time.

I used to love what I was doing. Used to. And just so we know, I am only sucking up to this job because it pays well… I don’t want to sound ungrateful (because I am really grateful for this opportunity–especially that it has opened several doors to me), but I really am looking forward to the day when I’d be free of this work and embark on a new adventure. I guess, maybe, staying with this job is like a “monetary comfort zone that destroys my chi from time to time” but could “finance my future doings”. I know I’ve been holding myself back in exploring the possibilities out there. In addition, “working it now” somehow eats up my “now time” because of being obsessed with “preparing for the future.” You know how it is, being consumed with things and sometimes forgetting what’s important.

I’m gonna be okay. It’s gonna be a bit embarrassing though, if I get fired. Oh the consequence. No apologies for that though. I only apologize for wasting people’s time who waited for me. Still don’t know what’s gonna happen. If i get fired, i think i’ll be ok. It’s not like i’m not expecting it. It was only a matter of time. I am lucky enough to be given this chance, and hundreds of chances more to get back up. But I wasted it. If I still have a job after that so-called meeting, then I guess it’s an opportunities to get back up not to waste anymore. Have to be “bibo” just before I resign (which I intend to do this year) so that I could have a graceful future exit.

I know it could be a bittersweet thing. But then again, this possibly closing door could lead me to a lot of window of opportunities.

Anywayyyyyy it ain’t over til it’s over. Why am I even talking about this? I’m not yet fired anyway. Ok, so let’s see what happens next week. Whatever their decision is, I think it’s for the best. I’ll accept.

Aja! Aja! Fighting!!!

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