i won't worry my life away

confronting thoughts and embarking on different adventures, one moment at a time

Something Exciting: To allow myself to evolve means to allow my plans to evolve too

The funny thing about planning our future is that no matter how “planned” it could be, chances are, it would still change. The fact that I am going to stay jobless for quite some time (because I plan on having a surgery for my scoliosis), means that I can’t make solid plans until then, until I actually fully recover. What I like about it is that I can actually do whatever I want after that.

What seems relevant for me to do now might not be relevant to do eventually. My last job (which is similar to what I’ve been doing over the past 6 years) is actually an upto-date skill based, and thus, if I can’t work and rekindle it in a period of a year, it could mean that I might have to look for other options to reintegrate myself in the telco business to be relevant.

A few weeks ago, I envisioned myself in a year or so to finally resume my extended vacation (post op). This includes securing a student permit somewhere in Europe so that I could go travel to the places that I haven’t been to yet. Of course an Asian trip, US trip, World Cup trip, and a Philippine trip are included. So that would be another year of not pursuing a career. Emphasis to ┬átraveling everywhere. A dream that I so want to pursue.

But this weekend, I went to one of those beautiful beaches here in the Philippines (that I originally thought as overrated before I even got there–I was wrong!) and it was A-MA-ZING!!! I went to Boracay. I now know why everyone loved that place. To be honest, I thought I preferred a place of pure beauty and serenity. Boracay is beautiful but I must say, it isn’t purely serene. It is developed and commercialized over the past few years, which gave me a reason to doubt it even before setting foot. But as I got there, it grew on me. My fondness of it is the same fondness I have for Manila. It’s a mixture of the things that I love and the things that I hate, but overall, I know I could live there and I would love it.

Who could resist this?!?!!!???!!!??Image

And now, as I think of the things that I want to do in the next year or so, I am more open to other possibilities. A possibility of just relocating to a remote island somewhere in the Philippines (or even in Boracay) and staying there for a while. Another possibility is to just go and find my way here in the country or just in Southeast Asia.

Of course there’s this idea of actually having someone with me (hopefully!) by then. But being single, a bit successful (as per my personal standard) and really independent over the past few years, finally having someone might come as a bit of a challenge for me. But last December, I moved back home. Since I don’t really have a place of my own (since I didn’t want to finalize where I actually want to settle as well as having debts that would restrict me from making quick moving plans should I want to), I am currently living back at my parents’. And it’s more practical that way since they would be the one taking care of me should I finally get my surgery.

Moving back home felt a bit weird at first. On the first night that I went out, my dad actually called and texted me if I wanted for him to pick me up! And was really worried that I wasn’t home yet. It was 10 PM. WHAT??? And when my mom got home, I actually felt annoyed by small questions of what I want to do, or where I want to put things and all that. I felt like I was treated like a kid. And I cracked. Seriously cracked. I knew it wasn’t anybody’s fault. It’s just that I have been alone and independent for a long time, and someone looking out for me or taking care of me was a bit of a challenge at first. But now, I am already adjusting. I think so are they. ­čÖé

To plan for the future is exciting and overwhelming. Especially since there are a lot of possibilities and room for changes each and every single day. Our growth is constant. Changes are constant. And thus, our needs and our desires would definitely vary over time. The anticipation that I used to get when I was still studying in college, of what my future would be, is the same anticipation that I am currently having. I could write it the way I want to when I actually start getting there.  Anything is possible.

As I do my yoga practice earlier, I thought to again start saying an intention. My intention was to allow myself to evolve, to allow myself to just go with the flow and do what I need to do during my practice. To be fluid and not to restrict myself with an ideal flow. Just allow myself. Allow myself to evolve both through my yoga practice, and through life, with the plans to change from time to time, and my view and attitude in dealing with the changes brought up around me.

I don’t know yet what I am really going to do after my surgery. I have to actually start the process of consulting an Orthopedic surgeon (again) first and pump up the volume for the party. And along with it, I should allow myself to evolve so that when I get there, I will be a better person.

It is going to be really exciting, that unforeseen future. It is going to be awesome, because that’s how I want my life to be. But for now, atleast for the next few weeks, I have to get healthy, consult a doctor, attend a festival, go to a wedding, and finally have an operation… And of course after that, to hope and pray that everything is okay and successful.

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Temporarily BUMMING Around: Claiming my reward after a FULL 4Q of 2012, or must I say a blessed 6.5 years of work

A lot has happened over the past few months, since the last time I visited this blog. I haven’t even updated this blog with stuff that I feel I should’ve taken notes of even before my last update!

Anyway, tonight is a good time to start.

The past few months have been really fast, specifically the last quarter of 2012.

September had been a fruitful month of travelling, and having weekend dinner dates or partying with good friends. It was also the time of contract/”market value” haggling with my then-future employer.

Europe 2012 summary

October, well, it was the time of me re-thinking about my career move, granted that I sealed the deal with my then-future employer. Re-thinking because at that time, I’ve already made some sort of 2013 plans that are life-changing in a BIG way for me. October was also the month when I sought for higher guidance from God because I felt a bit lost in my own “new-found” world (I don’t know how I became some sort of a “party-girl” almost always “out and about” on top of my typical dinner or movie weekends). Thus, this was the time I reassessed my routine after realizing that this new lifestyle isn’t for me (to be specific, I prefer to be the boring one. I like being laid back :D).

October

I filled my November with activities such as volunteering for various organizations, visiting galleries, and some long weekend out of town. I’ve been feeling lost and I thought, these activities would put me back on my feet. Somehow, it did. However, November was also the time I had been emotionally exhausted because of having this silent conflict with my BFF. It was then when I realized that the life I am currently living isn’t enough anymore. I was and still am very blessed with a lot of things, but I know that this was the time I had to acknowledge that I shouldn’t procrastinate and deny the things that are missing in my life. This was the time that I had to put on a lot of thinking and have acknowledged that this is the right time that I had to make changes in my life. I have concluded that in order for me to move forward, I have to finally be willing to close this chapter of my book. In simpler terms, pack my things and go, start anew. I had to be courageous to let go of whatever was holding me back. This was the right time and after months/years of procrastination, I did it! That conflict was a blessing in disguise. All that see-saw decision making back in September, just when I thought it was over, had been revisited and re-concluded. ­čÖé

Sweet November

December came by really quickly. I managed to go to Kathmandu in Nepal and did my first trek EVER (even though I was completely unprepared) and saw the Himalayas from afar–at the top of the Shivapuri Hill! After that weekend, I spent the remaining 2 weeks in Dubai going to work on daytime, packing my stuff at nighttime, yoga classes on Mondays & Wednesdays and having send off dinners/parties ┬áwith loved ones in between. Then just in time I arrived here in the Philippines, I went straight to the┬ácouturier for the fitting of my gown (I was a bridesmaid after all!). 2 days after that, I attended the wedding.

DECEMBER

Only after Christmas that my time became really relaxed. I just went wherever they planned to go. Ate whatever is available to eat. And of course, slept and watched TV in between. It was the life that I never thought I would experience. On my 3rd week of bumming around, I suddenly thought of finding something to do, like part time online. But I immediately erased that idea because I know that thought would trigger my brain cells and tell me that I NEED TO DO WORK ON SOMETHING NOW, which would eventually lead me to actually start looking for something to do, and stress me out because I can’t find anything to do. Yes, I erased that thought and even if it walks by me from time to time, I try to not acknowledge it. This might sound crazy or even stupid, but I guess now is the time to actually enjoy not doing anything at all. And trust me, it is awesome. After working for the past 6.5 years continuously, this is the break that I need. Though I go on vacations from time to time in the past years, those vacations don’t really involve “not doing anything”. And this is the very first time I actually did it.

I am very much grateful for the past few years of being busy, working and travelling, earning and indulging. I am very grateful for all that. And after quitting my job last year and currently not working, I know I am still very blessed because not everyone is given the opportunity to enjoy sleeping and eating and watching TV without worrying so much about tomorrow. I know I would eventually feel the need to start moving again, but for now, I appreciate this kind of lifestyle. ­čÖé

Once I start my 2013 plan and complete it, then I will start to get back on my feet and hopefully go back to the jungle. AYAYAYAYAY!!!

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