i won't worry my life away

confronting thoughts and embarking on different adventures, one moment at a time

Something Exciting: To allow myself to evolve means to allow my plans to evolve too

on January 23, 2013

The funny thing about planning our future is that no matter how “planned” it could be, chances are, it would still change. The fact that I am going to stay jobless for quite some time (because I plan on having a surgery for my scoliosis), means that I can’t make solid plans until then, until I actually fully recover. What I like about it is that I can actually do whatever I want after that.

What seems relevant for me to do now might not be relevant to do eventually. My last job (which is similar to what I’ve been doing over the past 6 years) is actually an upto-date skill based, and thus, if I can’t work and rekindle it in a period of a year, it could mean that I might have to look for other options to reintegrate myself in the telco business to be relevant.

A few weeks ago, I envisioned myself in a year or so to finally resume my extended vacation (post op). This includes securing a student permit somewhere in Europe so that I could go travel to the places that I haven’t been to yet. Of course an Asian trip, US trip, World Cup trip, and a Philippine trip are included. So that would be another year of not pursuing a career. Emphasis to  traveling everywhere. A dream that I so want to pursue.

But this weekend, I went to one of those beautiful beaches here in the Philippines (that I originally thought as overrated before I even got there–I was wrong!) and it was A-MA-ZING!!! I went to Boracay. I now know why everyone loved that place. To be honest, I thought I preferred a place of pure beauty and serenity. Boracay is beautiful but I must say, it isn’t purely serene. It is developed and commercialized over the past few years, which gave me a reason to doubt it even before setting foot. But as I got there, it grew on me. My fondness of it is the same fondness I have for Manila. It’s a mixture of the things that I love and the things that I hate, but overall, I know I could live there and I would love it.

Who could resist this?!?!!!???!!!??Image

And now, as I think of the things that I want to do in the next year or so, I am more open to other possibilities. A possibility of just relocating to a remote island somewhere in the Philippines (or even in Boracay) and staying there for a while. Another possibility is to just go and find my way here in the country or just in Southeast Asia.

Of course there’s this idea of actually having someone with me (hopefully!) by then. But being single, a bit successful (as per my personal standard) and really independent over the past few years, finally having someone might come as a bit of a challenge for me. But last December, I moved back home. Since I don’t really have a place of my own (since I didn’t want to finalize where I actually want to settle as well as having debts that would restrict me from making quick moving plans should I want to), I am currently living back at my parents’. And it’s more practical that way since they would be the one taking care of me should I finally get my surgery.

Moving back home felt a bit weird at first. On the first night that I went out, my dad actually called and texted me if I wanted for him to pick me up! And was really worried that I wasn’t home yet. It was 10 PM. WHAT??? And when my mom got home, I actually felt annoyed by small questions of what I want to do, or where I want to put things and all that. I felt like I was treated like a kid. And I cracked. Seriously cracked. I knew it wasn’t anybody’s fault. It’s just that I have been alone and independent for a long time, and someone looking out for me or taking care of me was a bit of a challenge at first. But now, I am already adjusting. I think so are they. 🙂

To plan for the future is exciting and overwhelming. Especially since there are a lot of possibilities and room for changes each and every single day. Our growth is constant. Changes are constant. And thus, our needs and our desires would definitely vary over time. The anticipation that I used to get when I was still studying in college, of what my future would be, is the same anticipation that I am currently having. I could write it the way I want to when I actually start getting there.  Anything is possible.

As I do my yoga practice earlier, I thought to again start saying an intention. My intention was to allow myself to evolve, to allow myself to just go with the flow and do what I need to do during my practice. To be fluid and not to restrict myself with an ideal flow. Just allow myself. Allow myself to evolve both through my yoga practice, and through life, with the plans to change from time to time, and my view and attitude in dealing with the changes brought up around me.

I don’t know yet what I am really going to do after my surgery. I have to actually start the process of consulting an Orthopedic surgeon (again) first and pump up the volume for the party. And along with it, I should allow myself to evolve so that when I get there, I will be a better person.

It is going to be really exciting, that unforeseen future. It is going to be awesome, because that’s how I want my life to be. But for now, atleast for the next few weeks, I have to get healthy, consult a doctor, attend a festival, go to a wedding, and finally have an operation… And of course after that, to hope and pray that everything is okay and successful.

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One response to “Something Exciting: To allow myself to evolve means to allow my plans to evolve too

  1. Jennifer says:

    Life is full of surprises! Some of them are better than anything you could ever plan 🙂

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