i won't worry my life away

confronting thoughts and embarking on different adventures, one moment at a time

Trying too hard to suppress awkwardness: is it worth it?

on April 24, 2013

Sometimes, we find ourselves trying too hard for an awkward situation not to be awkward. However, no matter how hard we try, some things are just inevitable.

While sorting out some files, I happen to run by a few pictures taken years ago in one of my birthday celebrations thousands of miles away from my immediate family. In my culture, birthdays are always celebrated with lots of food and the celebrant is usually the one who treats all the guests. During that time, I lived in a country where I am mostly surrounded with an ethnically diverse group of people, apart from my friends who are just doors away and extended family who are an hour of drive from where I lived.

Let me tell you this first: I love my family, even my extended ones. I am also very particular with my hierarchy of loyalty. Next to God is family. So unless I am brutally betrayed by a family, that’s probably the only time that I would consider turning my back on them. Either that or unreasonable mood swings.

I gotta be honest, I am only really close to a few people on this extended family of mine in that part of the world. I know exactly why, and no matter how hard I try to mask those reasons, they’re just there. But I always try.

Let me get back on the picture. The thing is, upon looking at the birthday celebration picture I had with them, I had a flashback of memory: I was trying hard to really like this people that I was celebrating my birthday with during that time, like as if I really loved it. I was trying. No matter how good I (or we) looked at the picture, no matter how happy we all were, I knew that I was trying hard.

Now, here’s a bit of my confusion. How hard can we try for things not to feel like were trying too hard? Or should we just give it up and move on? I mean, what if they’re family? Should we still continue trying to suppress the awkwardness or atleast to mask that feeling of “trying too hard” or should we just let go? If it’s not hurting anybody, is it okay to just go with it? Or is it better to get real and face the possible consequence of being placed in the “non-existent family member/forgotten person” box?

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