i won't worry my life away

confronting thoughts and embarking on different adventures, one moment at a time

Allowing myself to feel today.

Time and again, I allow myself to feel. I acknowledge the myriad of feelings that want to burst out from my heart, whether it be the over-the-top-kind-of-happiness, or the drowning-to-the-bottom-kind-of-loneliness. All these emotions, I acknowledge and allow.

We have the right to feel and it is healthier to acknowledge it and to allow ourselves to feel. No matter how painful it is.

But that’s not the end of it. I also have to allow myself to put back the pieces of myself when I am very down. I can’t say that I am successful to date, but that doesn’t matter. Because right now, I know that I am evolving, and I know that I am still a work in progress.

I wish I could wake up tomorrow and say I am content, I am happy, I am complete, and I live a full life. But that remains to be seen and known tomorrow.

Today, I feel sad, even lonely. I feel incomplete and confused as to where my life is headed. And today, I feel heartbroken not by someone but by fate. That is how I feel today.

Some days I feel hopeful, some days I feel that I have been treated unfairly by fate. But all in all, I am feel grateful with the things that I have.

I can’t say that I wish I knew how things are when tomorrow comes. Because I am also scared if I don’t like it. I can only hope that things are better.

We have the right to feel. We should acknowledge and allow ourselves. But at the same time, we should also pull ourselves up when we are down. What we’re not allowed to do is to let struggle take over us. Not to let fear overtake our lives. We may feel scared, lonely, and resentful. But we should not let ourselves suffer by our emotions. Not let the situation take over our lives. There is always a silver lining and we should try to look for it. If we can’t find it yet, then we have to keep moving forward and remind ourselves that we are strong. Maybe at that point we aren’t. We can acknowledge that too but we have to keep in mind that at some point we were and that shall come out again. Or better yet, think that this phase will only make us better and stronger.

Point is, we have to acknowledge and allow ourselves to feel. But we can’t allow our misery to keep us from moving forward.

Tomorrow, maybe I can be happier. But today, this day… I acknowledge that I am not. Today, I will fix my application to travel. Today, I will talk and have a more meaningful conversation. Today, I have written again. Then atleast now I can say that tomorrow, I am a step ahead from where I was yesterday.

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Claiming your heart’s content: What do YOU really want?

You want to.

You need to.

You have to.

But, will you?

It is true that we can’t have everything that we want. Sometimes, we think that we can’t even have that one thing that we really want. But the question is, do we really want it bad enough? Really?

The past few weeks have been quite insightful. Thoughts and talks about allowing yourself the possibility even if you’re not yet a hundred percent sure on what’s going to happen (it’s not like we can always be sure!) and allowing things to unfold in front of you. Something like doing your part and letting the universe conspire.

“If it’s meant to be, then it will happen.”

“Do your part and let the world do the rest.”

“It won’t just come knocking on your door. You have to at least put yourself out there.”

Today, I watched Jim Carrrey’s commencement address at Maharishi University of Management, and trust me, it was really moving! (If you haven’t seen it yet, then I suggest you check it out too.)

He said it best when he mentioned that sometimes, we choose “fear disguised as practicality.” It is true. We all want to do this and that, “but we can’t.” “Not just yet.”” We have to do something else first to ensure our so-called future.

I guess, at the end of the day, we don’t really want it bad enough. We are good with settling. We are good with the future regardless of what we do in the present. And when we are “present in our future”, who knows what happened our past.

Mr. Carrey’s speech is very timely in my present state, to which he has profoundly stated the things that I know but still needed to hear.

Maybe we should ask ourselves: What do we really want?

Maybe for some, practicality isn’t the disguise of fear but the love for _______. Whatever that may be! Or there may be a myriad of reasons for that as well.

But for some of us who knows that this—(NOW) is not enough unless we take that “leap”, then I guess the next question should be, “If Not Now, When?”

We should acknowledge the complexity inside of us, figure our our heart’s content, and submit to it. Allow the rest to take place, embrace that beautiful present and evolve to the person you want to be.

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There… so before bed time, let’s figure out our heart’s content. Let’s ask ourselves, what are the things that will fill our heart’s desire? What will make our lives full? What inspires us? What moves us? Whether it’s for selfish or selfless reasons, we should define it and answer, “What do we really want?” Until we figure it out, we can move to the next question.

For now,, that’s a start.

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